…I just can't. From the opening notes of "Come Together" to the pop-odyssey of the second side of the record, there is simply nothing wrong with it. I can't throw any criticisms at it, no matter how many times I listen to it, no matter how hard I try.

Their last recorded album (but the second-to-last to be released), Abbey Road opens with the classic "Come Together." What more do you want? Semi-psychedelic Lennon songs… Doesn't get better than that.

And on this particular album, it doesn't get worse, either. George Harrison's "Something" is a beautiful, melancholy song, while Paul's "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" is just some dark comedy. Hey, even murder can sound OK when it's done in a happy voice, right? Sho' 'nuff. "Oh Darling" is just as good with McCartney in top vocal form, yelling like you rarely hear him yell.

"Octopus's Garden" is cute, fun and so whimsical it's hard to hate. Really, it's a silly song with some nice composition to it, and a chant-along chorus. It can't get better than that. Who WOULDN'T like to be under the sea, in an Octopus's Garden in the shade? Killer guitar solo, too. It's a relaxing, happy tune.

"I Want You (She's So Heavy)" marks one of the longest songs the Beatles ever made, and kicks the ass of every song I know of named "Heavy." Which is pretty much limited to the Black Crowes and Collective Soul. But still, man, that's a nice swirling effect thanks to the Beatles. It just goes on toward the end, swirling hypnotically, but never getting boring, and then… BOOM. It cuts off, no explanation given, like "Snap out of it!" I love that.

Side 2 of the original vinyl is, as stated before, a Pop Odyssey. It's just multiple song fragments with no real "theme" to the thing as a whole. But they're still brilliant. Most of them are around the 1-2 minute mark, but each are great pieces in their own right. Harrison's "Here Comes the Sun" starts it all off, and it rolls through. Sometimes multiple songs flow like one, sometimes they don't.

One of the greatest records to be ever released, only the Beatles could pull such an album out right before bowing out forever. Never a dull moment, some advances in their sound, and the only 17-song album I can really claim to be 100% consistent in every single way. Get it. Now.