Where to start? Oh, I know:

WARNING, THIS REVIEW COULD QUITE BE THE MOST BIASED THING YOU'LL EVER READ ON THE INTERNET

Honestly, I don't think that any band in the world today can add up to Glassjaw. I've lost friends, girlfriends, puppies, family members, and my standing in the community because of this viewpoint. Alas, I don't care, not one iota. I'll stand by my reliefs until the day I die (Or, until some new great band comes along and sweeps me off of my feet.)

The first time I listened to Glassjaw, I was unimpressed. The music was entirely to heavy and intricate for someone who listened to Limp Bizkit (shaddup) on a regular basis. Three songs downloaded ("Pretty Lush", "Motel Of The White Locust", "Siberian Kiss"), three songs promptly deleted ("Pretty Lush", "Motel Of The White Locust", "Siberian Kiss"). To this day, I still don't undertand what made me re-download their music. Nobody recommended it to me, the thought just popped into my head, and I followed my urge. Thank whateverholyfigurethatyoumybeautifulreaderbelievein that I did. What follows is a reivew of Glassjaw's first major label album, "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Silence".

1. "Pretty Lush" - Fuck, this song hits you like a freight train, and doesn't stop until you're out of breath (If you jump around and sing along like me.) and at the same time trying to figure out what the fuck Darryl (the genius frontman of the group) is talking about. I can't imagine a song better suited to open up this emotionally draining album.

2. "Siberian Kiss" - Don't think that they're gonna let you off the hook with something slow right off the bat. Fuck no! That's not what this album's about. It's about heartbreak, passion, and well.... spiteful women, and that's basically what this song is about in a nutshell. The thing most people say right off the bat after hearing Darryl's vocals is, "You know, when he's not screaming, he really has a great, unique voice." While this is true, who gives a fuck, honestly? The man has more passion in his pinkie than Scott Stapp, Fred Durst, whoever the hell the lead singer of The Calling is, and every other mainstream artist has in their entire bodies. Great song, great lyrics, great vocals, great everything.

3. "When One Eight Becomes Two Zeroes" - A song so personal, Darryl doesn't even like to talk about it. The lyrics to this song are probably the most straight-forward on the album, obviously about a woman the hurt Darryl very badly. This is the song that breaks the fast, heavy pace that the album has from the getgo. Not that it's a ballad or anything, it's not that at all, it's just has a more melodic tone. To sum up this song, I'll let Mr. Palumbo's lyrics do the talking: "This all hurts me so much/That I honestly believe/You're the one this is hard for/I've bartered tact for wit/And, I've already made up a billion stories about you".

4. "Ry Ry's Song" - This song sorta sticks out on this album. With the rest of the album being melodically hardcore, this song definately has a very catchy, punk feel. Saying that the song sticks out does not, however, mean that it's a bad song. On the contrary, this song is a favorite of many "JAwbies". The guitars are merciless, and upbeat, and the song itself makes you want to jump around like you were in the front row of a House Of Pain concert.

5. "Lovebites and Razorlines" - After listening to this song for the first time, I was in shock. The first words out of my mouth were, "What the fuck was that!?" Not in a bad way, mind you, a good way. This song is HEAVY, period, end of sentence. The guitars are punishing, as are the drums, and Darryl sounds like he's ripping his vocal chords out during the first verse. This is song is very metaphorical, and at the same time very angry, as you can tell from these lyrics: "I don't give a fuck about your dignity/That's the bastard in me".

6. "Hurting and Shoving (She Should Have Let Me Sleep)" - This is another brutally heavy song, that forces you to relate with Palumbo's problems. This is one of the three songs that convinced me to pick up this album. Nothing soothing here, just very angry, melodic music.

7. "Majour" - Definately one of the softer songs on the album, and another great cut (I'm telling you, in my opinion, there isn't a song on here that I wouldn't classify as "stellar".). Not much to say about this song, it's got a great melody, and the opening, with Darryl's singing and Beck's guitar, really sets the tone to the song.

8. "Her Middle Name Was Boom" - The SOFTEST song on the album, and one of my personal favorite songs of all time. Darrly calls this the only positively charged song on the album, and I definately agree. It's a nice break from the anger, but it also still fits into the unclassifiable Glassjaw sound.

9. "Piano" - One of my two favorite songs on the album. The intro with the light piano notes is so hard to hear, that when you turn up the volume to hear them, and they're abruptly interrupted by Darryl screaming at the top of his lungs, will probably knock you on your ass the first time. Trust me. I can't find the words to express how much I love this song, so just download it. DO IT, NOW!

10. "Babe" - This song is often called the weak link of EYEWTKAS by most GJ fans, but it's perfect to me. In true hardcore-punk form the song runs under 2 minutes, and it hits you with everything it's got. Quick, awesome, and to the point. Dig it.

11. "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Silence" - The title track, and my other favorite song on the album. When I first bought this CD, this was the track I skipped over the most, but now it's the one I skip to the most. It's fucking brilliant, and proves that Glassjaw has the musical/songwriting talent to back up the bucketloads of emotion they put forth. The lyrics to this song are about Darryl's battle with Crohn's disease, and how hard it was for him to deal with his pain, when someone he was very emotionally attached to didn't seem to care for him anymore. Sonically beautiful.

12. "Motel Of The White Locust" - "Welcome to Hollywood girl/Wake the fuck up in Hollywood, whore", is one of the first lyrics you're greeted with when this song starts. This is another great, heavy song to basically finish up the album. I say, "basically", because there is a hidden track, referred to by most as "The Secret Song", and man, it's a doosey.

13.(kinda) "The Secret Song" - This song ALMOST completely sums up this entire album, and I've decided that instead of just reviewing it, I'll just post the lyrics. Here ya go, enjoy:

"Fraudulent miracles make miracles sinches. The rice paper princess gets two for her flinches.

*Fuck you*

In the midst of the perfection, The rain on the parade made this crowning day the horns on the hood of the saint.

*Fuck you*

But never the two shall meet, Said the tiger to its greatest fan. The amount of love you wish to give is more than I can stand.

And now you leave me in defeat. Leave me a battered, broken man. The amount of love you wish to give is more than I can stand.

Now I have you where I want you. I know that you are listening. This is my chance to tell you everything.

*Fuck you*

My chance to tell you I love you, but I've waited to long, And now the record's over. Now the record's over.

*Fuck you again*"